Time to Stop Hiding
by ArtemisJaneway
Summary: Kathryn Janeway is struggling to deal with the feelings brought up by Mark's 'Dear John' letter. Will she let Chakotay in? Can she learn what it is to have a real relationship?
1. Chapter 1

Kathryn Janeway drum her fingers along her desk, trying and failing to concentrate on the Padd in her hand. She found herself rereading the same sentence for the fifth time and threw the Padd on her desk. She leaned back in her chair and brought her hands to cover her face. Seriously this was ridiculous. She couldn't sleep, she couldn't focus, she couldn't read! Hell she was useless.

She stood and began pacing her ready room, absentmindedly toying with and pulling at her hair while the other hand rested on her hip. Was she really surprised? Did she really think he would wait for her when she was reported dead? Had she wanted him to wait? What had she wanted? Why didn't she feel sad? What did she want now?

Pausing her endless stream of questions and in her infinite loop around the room she ordered some coffee ice cream from the replicator. Normally she didn't indulge herself like this but honestly she didn't care enough to resist.

She grabbed her ice cream and started her pacing once more, this time trying to focus on the cool taste of espresso and the creamy texture she loved so much. Only coffee could seem to relax her when she got to buried to deep in her own thoughts, hence the apparent addiction. Unfortunately, the the treat was gone far to quickly and she recycled the bowl, sitting reluctantly back at her desk.

She grabbed a Padd from the very corner of her desk and began to read it for the upteenth time. Marks letter was short, as all the letters had to be, but she could clearly hear his voice in the words. At least he was happy.

There were subtle hints woven all the way through the letter prodding at Kathryn, trying to make her realize that it was best for both of them that they had been forced to move on. What Mark didn't know was that it was hardly his permission that kept her from moving forward with any relationship, and she certainly agreed that their separation had been best in the long run. Her safety net was gone now though, she would have to come up with another way to avoid prodding that small box inside her mind that kept the thoughts about her relationships tucked tight away. Far away.

She had just finished reading the letter when over the comm she heard "Chakotay to Janeway". She sighed and put the letter back on the edge of her desk.

"Go ahead Commander"

"Sorry to bother you, but I was wondering if you would like to join me for dinner. I know for a fact that you snuck back to your ready room after your shift and you probably skipped lunch."

She shook her head and smiled slightly. He knew her to well. "You got me, dinner would be great."

"See you at 1900 hours then, my quarters, civilian clothing. Chakotay out."

Janeway rose from her chair and attempted to stretch out some of the knots that were developing in her shoulders by tugging at them. Unsuccessful in releasing her tension, she decided to go back to her quarters to see if she could get some work done in peace there before dinner.

She began to gather up the miscellaneous pads on her desk when she stopped. Eyes snapping up to look at nothing in particular.

Dinner. With Chakotay. In his quarters. And civilian clothing no less. What had she just agreed to? She remembered that she had told him about Mark's letter, and only thinking back on it now did she realize the glint that had sprung into his eyes. Her last plausible safety was gone and he knew it. There was no way she could avoid talking to him any longer. As she continued to gather her things, she mentally gathered her thoughts and prepared herself to open that small box that hid her feelings.


	2. Chapter 2

Janeway's day did not go as planned.

After returning to her quarters and beginning to work, she was interrupted not by one red alert, but two. The first occurred only 30 minutes after she sat down and the second happened 10 minutes after the first ended. Everyone was on high alert after the recent run ins with the Hirogen, and finding two different ships of theirs on scanners did nothing to decrease the paranoia.

After 30 minutes of quiet space since changing their course to avoid the areas the two ships had been detected in, and all surrounding areas, Kathryn was the last of the senior staff to leave the bridge, and she was exhausted.

She tried to keep her back straight as she walked back to her quarters. She was just inside the door taking of her heeled boots when she heard a chime. She gave an exasperated sigh, tugged her boots back on and answered the door.

When they slid open Kathryn was faced with a large bouquet of peach roses. Her scowl turned into a smile, and exhausted one but still a smile, as she looked at the man holding the flowers out to her.

Chakotay stood there grinning slightly and tugging at his ear. He was wearing a wonderful pale blue shirt and tan slacks. She was surprised at first to see him in civilian clothing until she realized…

Their dinner! Immediately she opened her mouth to apologize but Chakotay cut her off.

"Kathryn, don't you dare apologize. You have had a very long day, you've been working for over 18 hours and you need a good meal and some rest."

She took the flowers from him and closed her eyes when she inhaled their beautiful aroma, she stayed like that for a few seconds then looked back at him.

"You're right Chakotay." She said with an exasperated sigh. "I need to rest. I'm so sorry that this all happened today, I was really looking forward to our dinner, I love it when you cook."

"Who says I can't still cook for you?" He said smuggly. She raised an eyebrow but nodded and shrugged her shoulders at the same time. He stepped through the doors and started toward the replicator.

She awkwardly followed him inside and watched as he replicated a beautiful glass vase for the flowers. He brought it to her and she placed them in the vase and set it on her desk. That taken care of she looked at him expectantly.

"Kathryn, I have dinner taken care of, you go and shower and put some comfortable clothing on. It will take me a good while to program the replicator so take your time okay?" His hand was on her arm and the look of caring in his eyes almost made her breakdown and cry right there. All she could do was nod.

"Thank you, now go on." He shooed her to her room and returned to the replicator.

Kathryn turned on the sonic shower and started to undress she called for the computer to begin her music playlist, and it was only when she heard the song that came on that she remembered Chakotay was only a few meters away and could probably hear the music. Wrapping her robe quickly around her she went to the Padd laying on her bedside table and checked to make sure she hadn't programed any embarrassing music selections into the playlist. After she was sure it would be okay for him to hear her music she returned to the shower.

Chakotay stood at the replicator, fighting to make it conform to his exact recipe specifications, he jumped when he heard a loud sound erupt from the direction of Kathryn's bedroom. He started to see if she was okay, but he quickly realized that what he was hearing was music.

He stood still and listened for a moment, the sound that had startled him was a woman's voice. The voice was unlike anything he had ever heard, it didn't belong to Kathryn, but he had never heard this woman's voice before, and as a music lover he was surprised by that. The voice was strong and powerful, mighty even, she carried a simple driving melody that quickly showed off her range. The song had started out alone but was now joined by the resounding beat of a drum.

He then started to listen to the words, the more he heard, the more he realized that he had never heard a voice and a song so perfectly fit for Kathryn. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the music for a moment more.

He had missed the first few words, but he hung on to each of the one's that followed.

" _And it's an old scar_

 _Trying to bleach it out_

 _And it's my whole heart_

 _Deemed and delivered a crime_

 _I'm on trial, waiting 'til the beat comes out_

 _I'm on trial, waiting 'til the beat comes out_

 _Who's a heretic now?_

 _Am I making sense?_

 _How can you make it stick?_

 _Waiting 'til the beat comes out_

 _Who's a heretic, child?_

 _Can you make it stick, now that I'm on trial_

 _Waiting 'til the beat comes out."_

He could now ever so faintly hear Kathryn humming along. But he froze with the next words that came in the form of that powerful voice.

" _I'm miles away, he's on my mind_

 _I'm getting tired of crawling all the way_

 _I've had enough, it's obvious_

 _And I'm getting tired of crawling all the way_

 _Crawling all the way_

 _Crawling all the way_

 _I'm not beat up by this yet_

 _You can't tell me to regret_

 _Been in the dark since the day we met_

 _Fire, help me to forget"_

Kathryn, no wonder she liked this song, it seemed to convey suffering and the trials of waiting, talking about crawling along as though with no strength left to give. He stopped his musings and continued to listen.

" _And it's my whole heart_

 _While tried and tested, it's mine_

 _And it's my whole heart_

 _Trying to bleach it out_

 _And it's my whole heart_

 _Burned but not buried this time_

 _I'm on trial, waiting 'til the beat comes out_

 _I'm on trial, waiting 'til the beat comes out"_

Chakotay sighed, hoping to the spirits that Kathryn would talk to him tonight, he couldn't watch her suffer any more, she had been tried and tested and her heart was tired, he could see it in her eyes each day on the bridge. She needed him, or someone, but he truly wanted that someone to be him. He continued to listen as he went back to programming the replicator.

When he was finally finished getting the damn thing to make it right he stepped back and listened for Kathryn, she was surprisingly still in the shower. He couldn't blame her though, the long shower was well deserved and hopefully would make her relax. He replicated a cup of tea and headed towards an armchair near the viewport.

A few minutes later he heard the music stop and figured soon she would be heading out. He got up and started to walk back to the replicator to get everything ready when she rounded the corner.

He tried not to stare but couldn't help it. She was in a dark, Jade green, fuzzy looking robe with a matching towel wrapped around her hair. She stood in the doorway obviously uncomfortable with being caught.

"I was…. I was just.. seeing if you were still here… sorry I took a while.."

He attempted to sound reassuring and not starstruck like the felt. "It's fine Kathryn, finish getting ready and I will put dinner on the table."

She nodded and headed back to her room. Chakotay stayed there for a moment before he shook his head and ran his hands through his hair.

Spirits she had looked so cute, so small and cozy, it was everything he could do to stop himself from scooping her up in his arms right there. He wanted nothing more than to make her feel better, to hug away all the stress, but alas…

He resumed his trek to the replicator.

Kathryn hastily tightened her robe around her as she scurried back to her room.

'Of course he was still there you idiot, he did tell you to get in the shower in the first place' she thought angrily, reprimanding herself for her foolishness.

She had probably looked so dumb and pathetic, standing there in her robe, all disheveled and tired. She quickly went to her wardrobe and began to fret about what to put on instead of focusing on what had just transpired.

She finally settled on a forest green, knit, short-sleeved shirt with black leggings and her usual high-heeled black boots. She put on a touch of makeup, just some varying shades of gold eyeshadow, mascara, and a rose colored lipstick. She brushed out and parted her hair and was about to go about fixing it when she realized that she really didn't want to or care enough to, Chakotay could handle seeing her hair normal.

She walked out of her bedroom to the lights at about 50% and soft music playing, when she turned to the table she gasped at the scene before her.

Chakotay had put a beautiful cream table cloth over her table and had replicated a very enticing looking meal consisting of salad, pasta, bread, and her favorite wine. The roses he had brought her were on the side of the table with a candle on each side of it, it was almost too much for Kathryn to handle.

She smiled wide and walked to him.

"Chakotay this is…"

"I just wanted to give you a nice dinner, now come, enjoy."

She nodded and went to sit, looking forward to what the night was to bring.

 _ **Author's Note: The song I was describing in this chapter is called "Which Witch" by Florence and the Machine. Hope you're enjoying the story so far, and thanks for reading!**_


	3. Chapter 3

Kathryn looked at the table before her and suddenly realized how hungry she was. She may be good at skipping and avoiding meals, but once you placed food in front of her all bets were off. She eagerly began to serve herself and Chakotay simply watched with a smile toying at his lips.

Once she was done, Kathryn sat back in her chair, crossed her legs, and picked up her wine glass.

"Chakotay that was absolutely delicious!"

"I am glad you liked it." He said with a chuckle.

During the meal they had talked nonchalantly about ship's business, eventually beginning to talk about the crew and the letters they had received. Kathryn had been eager to hear how everyone was doing since she realized she had kind of been absorbed in her own letter, and had failed to talk to many crew members about what they had received.

Chakotay stood, wine glass in hand and gestured for her to follow him over to the sitting room. Kathryn stood gracefully, looking much more relaxed than she had before, and went to join him.

Chakotay sat on one side of the couch and Kathryn sat opposite him, pulling her legs up onto the couch between them and curling up. Chakotay repressed a laugh as he watched her, she looked like a kitten snuggling into the couch that way.

Kathryn got comfortable and returned her gaze to Chakotay, she saw him looking at her and realized he had been staring at her, she blushed, embarrassed because…. well… she wasn't sure why.

Chakotay realized he had been caught when Kathryn turned from him and blushed, at that he actually chuckled.

"What are you laughing at?"

"Nothing!" He said, raising his hands up as if to surrender.

"Well stop it!"

At that he laughed even more, a smile began to find its way to her lips as she watched him, realizing that it was a bit funny the way they were acting. It wasn't as if they had just met! They had had dinner together many times. ' _And this dinner shouldn't be any different even if you aren't involved with Mark, he is your first officer!'_ Said a voice in the back of her mind. Another voice raised its head then and asked ' _Why not? Why can't we be together, be happy… we could make it work.'_

She shook her head and tried to ignore her inner argument, to distract herself and to prevent her from saying anything embarrassing she asked "So, tell me more about your letter Chakotay, did you hear anything from your sister?"

He could tell she wanted to turn their conversation back to safer territory and accepted the bait.

"Well, uh…" He reached up and absent-mindedly scratched the back of his head. "Well, Sekaya is doing well, she has a family, two kids and a good husband, she mainly just wanted to convey that she was safe and happy. She knew I'd be worried ha."

"I'm glad to hear that she is happy."

She looked at him and he still looked like he wasn't telling her everything.

"Chakotay what is it? You aren't telling me something."

He huffed a small laugh.

"It's nothing, she just had more questions for me than she gave me answers, and I don't have answers for all her questions. I am going to have to take a long time to think how to properly respond. A lot has changed since I saw her last, I am not the same man I was, I am her brother yes, but I just feel like there isn't an adequate way to convey everything I have learned and how I've changed."

He looked down at the floor then, leaning forward resting his arms on his knees and clasping his hands.

Kathryn's expression softened and turned to one of caring instead of concern.

"Chakotay, you don't have to fit everything into one letter. I promise I will get a more stable connection so you can speak to her more. I am sure she just wants to know that you are safe and happy."

He gave a half smile but kept looking at the floor.

"Are you safe, and happy?"

Chakotay looked up then, suddenly afraid he had given the wrong impression, sensing the hurt in her words.

"Oh Kathryn yes. I am happier than have ever been because I am at peace for the first time in my life. My sister doesn't know the man I am now, all she's ever known is an angry warrior that was constantly in need of more. Kathryn I don't want you to think for a second that I'm lacking in anything, being here with you…. and the crew, is all I could ever ask for."

She smiled then, relieved, and not missing the reference to his angry warrior story from so many years ago.

"I'm glad to hear you're happy Chakotay."

"Are you?"

The smile dropped from her face and she looked sharply at him.

"About what?"

"Just.. in general."

"Well that's a hard question…. are you asking if I am happy with what I am doing or maybe where I am in my life or…"

He cut her off.

"Just happy." He leaned forward and grabbed her hand then.

"Kathryn are you happy?" She looked at him with pain in her eyes and he saw his answer.

"Chakotay… I can't answer that."

"Why?"

"Because! It's too broad of a question." She stood then taking her hand away, he didn't miss the tears welling in her eyes. He heard her words, but knew that she meant she couldn't lie to him but she wasn't ready to let him see her feelings completely.

"I have the early shift, I should be getting to bed." He saw that she was done talking for the night and decided not to push, not tonight anyway.

He stood and faced her "Goodnight Kathryn." He picked up her hand again and gave it a gentle squeeze while trying to convey his feelings in his gaze. He then let go and walked out the door.

Kathryn stared after him, hand still extended out to where he had dropped it. She felt tears starting to fall and went quickly to her room.


	4. Chapter 4

Chakotay returned to his quarters to find that they were not unoccupied. Be'lanna stood pacing in the center of his room.

"Finally I thought you would never get back here." She exclaimed as she threw her hands up into the air and started walking briskly to him.

"Be'lanna what..?" He didn't get to ask the rest of his question before Be'lanna had thrown her arms around his neck and had to begun cry into his shoulder.

"Why Chakotay… why are we the only one's left alive… How did this happen!"

Chakotay tried to calm her questions with soft reassuring words, but soon all her questions were silenced when she was overcome with angry sobbing. He led her to the couch and got her to sit down.

As she composed herself, he felt tears slipping into his own eyes and willed them away. He needed to be strong for her, at least for now.

"Be'lanna, there isn't anything we could have done, or anyway could have known what was happening. I don't want to accept that they are gone either, but we have to, we need to move on."

She sniffled and looked up at him. "But how Chakotay, how can I continue everyday knowing that I wasn't there to die along side with everyone who we fought beside. How can I live with myself knowing that, I should be dead!"

Chakotay reached out and took her hands in his. "Because whether you know it or not, or choose to accept it or not, there is a reason you are alive, there's a reason you're here with this crew. We need you and there is no way we could have made it this far without out you. And besides,"

He took her chin in his hand and lifted her face so he could look her right in the eyes. "They would want you to go on living your life the best you can. The people we lost were not just people we fought beside, they were our friends and they wanted the best for us. We can honor them by living each day with them in mind. As long as they stay in our hearts, and we continue to let their memories live within us, we have a purpose, and a reason to keep on."

Be'lanna smiled a bit and nodded her head back down, looking at their hands. "You're right. They would want us to be happy."

"Yes, they would, they would want us to have found another way of life, and we have! Voyager is the family we never got, and we need to make the most of that blessing."

Be'lanna's response was interrupted by the chirp of the comm. "Lieutenant Paris to Lieutenant Torres."

She brushed tears from under her eyes as she responded. "Go ahead."

"You know, I wasn't all that surprised to find that you were not in your quarters, but when I checked Astrometrics and Engineering and still saw no sign of you… Well I had to check in. Where are you?"

"It's… sweet, of you to be concerned but I am alright, I had a few things to do after my shift ended."

"Well if you aren't still tied up, I was wondering if you would like to join me for a late dinner in the mess hall. I will even replicate something if whatever Neelix has prepared isn't palatable."

Be'lanna hesitated before she responded, Chakotay saw the hesitation and slight apprehension in her eyes and gave a nod of encouragement.

"That's a hard offer to pass off Tom."

"Great, the I will see you there in about 10 minutes. Paris Out."

When the link closed Be'lanna looked back at Chakotay, searching his face for something, probably approval. Chakotay smiled and said, "Go. Spend time with him, he's obviously worried and it's okay to let yourself be consoled sometimes. He probably needs someone to talk to a swell."

"You're right." She hugged him. "Thank you Chakotay, for helping me to keep my peace."

He hugged her back tighter, "I will always be here for you. Now go! You're… Date… awaits."

At that she slapped him on the shoulder, but her smile told him he wasn't wrong in his assumptions. She stood then and left.

Over the next few days, the crew struggled to accept that communication with Earth would not become a regular thing, despite the Captain's assurance's that Seven was working on a way to bring the network of beacons back online.

Be'lanna hadn't yet managed to decode the message from Starfleet, and Kathryn was right back to her no sleep schedule as she tried to work things out. She worked tirelessly, and when forced to take a break from the decoding, she was in trying to find a way to bring back the network of ancient technology.

After a particularly long day and a particularly annoying headache, Kathryn was most reluctant to get up off her couch and answer her door.

She had finally retired to her quarters after Tuvok had strongly suggested (if not demanded) that she get some rest. Seven, who had been within hearing range had agreed with the Vulcan and told her it would be illogical for her to exhaust herself further. Not having the energy to argue with the pair, she had resigned.

Finally settled with a book and some coffee, of course now was when someone would choose to interrupt her. But when she opened the doors, she was relieved momentarily.

"Hello Commander, please come in."

She stepped aside and let Chakotay in. "I hope I am not disturbing you."

"No, I was ordered to return to my quarters by Tuvok and Seven, those two are dangerous when they team up."

"Agreed, I am glad you heeded their words."

"Thanks, so, what can I do for you?" She kept her command voice because to be honest, she had been avoiding him the past few days, and wasn't sure if she was ready to face anymore emotional… turmoil.

"Kathryn, I didn't come by to see the Captain."

She was slightly taken aback at his forwardness, she had expected him to at least go along with the 'everything's fine' act for a little while longer.

"Well, in that case, you're going to find that Kathryn is so exhausted she may not be much for conversation."

She started back to the couch and he followed her. She sat back down and grabbed her coffee once more.

"Is she free to listen for a bit?"

"Of course I am. What's bothering you Chakotay?"

He sighed. "I just, I wanted to… I am trying, Kathryn, I need you to understand that…." his head fell into his hands.

She couldn't stand it and went over to where he sat in an armchair, she touched his shoulder and bent to try and get him to look at her.

"Chakotay what is this about."

"I don't know, I just can't seem to quiet my mind unless I am around you. I start to get angry, I start to picture how all those Maquis died. But," He looked at her then and grabbed her hand from where she had placed it on his shoulder as she knelt before him.

"I just need help keeping my peace, and I can't do that unless I am with you." He stared at her then, slightly afraid he had said too much, but not regretting having said it.

She looked as though she was going to slip on the Captain's mask for a moment, but then her features softened and Kathryn won out.

"Chakotay, I will always be here for you, I want to help you. What can I do?"

"Just, let me be with you for a bit, clear my head. I'm going to take a wild guess and say you haven't eaten in an inordinate amount of time. Let me cook for you."

Before she had fully processed the implications she nodded and said "Okay, but only if I can do this first."

She then pulled him to a standing position and hugged him.

She held on tightly, because he was her peace as much as she was his, and she needed him too. Chakotay felt that in her movements and held her tightly in his arms, taking in every inch of her body against his.

Before he found himself unable to control his actions, he pulled away. "I will always accept a hug, or whatever it is you have to give."

He held her shoulders and looked into her eyes, conveying his love, but also his willingness to accept her pace.

She was lost in his gaze and almost didn't hear him say that he was going to start dinner until he had stepped away. As she watched him, the last strands of the safety net that had once been in place fell away, and she found herself wanting nothing more than to accept this man's love and affection, to give him strength and to have his help in return.

She didn't quite know yet how, but she had to tell him that she had made up her mind.


	5. Chapter 5

As Chakotay cooked dinner Kathryn went back to work, albeit distractedly, but soon she was once again completely buried in her Padds, so much so that Chakotay had to call her name twice before she noticed that the table was set and dinner was on the table.

As she took in the sight before her and let out a contented sigh, he stood there next to the table with his hands behind his back, he was looking at her expectantly and a bit nervously.

Beside him the table was set in a similar fashion to the last time they had dinner, a vase with a single peach rose was on the edge of the table bounded by two candles, there was salad and sliced french bread and a delicious looking pizza in the center of the table. Across from the flowers off the other edge of the table stood a wine holder with a bottle of red wine in the ice bath.

"Chakotay! This is fantastic." She said as she stood and walked over to the table.

She continued to look at the food and then said "Oh you should have let me use my rations! We used yours last time."

"Don't worry about it, I got the veggies for the salad and pizza from Neelix, so there wasn't much left to replicate. I do hope you like it."

She smiled up at him, and without looking down reached her hand to his and gave it a squeeze.

"I love everything you cook for me. I love everything you do to make my life easier, I probably wouldn't have eaten tonight if it weren't for you!"

She released his hand and sat down, a small flirty smile playing across her lips. Chakotay swallowed and tried his best not to read too much into her actions, she was probably just tired and really did appreciate his cooking.

He hoped that it made her happy, because his new goal was to make her happy, in all senses of the words, whatever it took he was willing to do.

He joined her at the table and they began their meal. He served her salad and bread then poured her wine, all the while making small talk about Neelix and the Aeroponics bay. As they started on the pizza Chakotay could see that Kathryn was relaxing, she had lowered her shoulders and stopped absent-mindedly rubbing her temples.

Chakotay smiled when he heard her laugh at something he had said, proud to have made her happy at least for now.

"Chakotay?"

"Hm?"

"Chakotay what's bothering you?"

He realized then that he had been fairly quiet the whole meal and he hadn't laughed along with her.

"Oh, it's nothing Kathryn."

"Please, don't give me that. I WILL order you to tell me and you know it."

He smirked a bit, knowing she was right, and that he couldn't keep anything from her. He stood facing away from her, then took a deep breath and began his plea he had been wanting to give for years.

"Look, I, I just want to make you happy. I want you to feel as happy as you can even with the burdens of the delta quadrant. You are the Captain but that doesn't mean that you don't deserve friendship, companionship, love, or kindness."

Standing now with him, she was a bit taken aback by his words, hearing the true meaning behind them. He wanted to make her feel those things, give her those things.

She strained to pay attention to every word, especially when he grabbed her hands in his pulling her closer and looked her right in the eyes.

"Kathryn I want to make you happy, and I am willing to do whatever you need, but I understand if you need me to have some… parameters. Your needs come first as they always have, and I will be nothing more than a friend if you want, but let me at least be that for you."

He sighed and hung his head to his chest. He wanted to make her happy, and if she wanted him to do so without having any semblance of a romantic relationship then he would do it, no matter what his heart told him, he just needed to make her feel loved, and safe, if not physically then emotionally.

She pulled her hands from his, and his heart broke for a moment as she pulled away.

But the moment was soon gone as she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him.

He was shocked at first, but shock melted into joy as he wrapped his arms around her. Her kiss was soft, but when he pressed into the kiss, her tongue traced his lips and he opened them. They broke away only when they were gasping for air. He leaned her forehead on hers, reveling in the afterglow of their first kiss.

It was she who pulled her head back, but her body was still against his with her arms around his neck and in his hair.

"Chakotay, I'm tired of denying this, denying my feelings and yours. Maybe we don't have to live our lives in pain because Starfleet mandates it. We have made it this far even though we have broken a few rules, This is another one I think it's okay that we break."

He kissed her again but she broke off.

"Chakotay, I don't know what I did to deserve your commitment, or your kindness, but I will never turn you away again, I will never hurt you like that, I'm sorry I ever did."

"Kathryn I understand why you thought we couldn't do this, and I want you to know that I am willing to do whatever you think is best, but I do prefer this option."

She laughed in his arms and pulled him into a crushing kiss. She felt the stress of the day melt away as his hands moved across her back, he supported her, as he always had, but his felt so much more secure, so safe, and so… right.

She had made the right decision, and she was determined to make it work.


End file.
